memory is a funny thing

I wanted to remember you. I tried to be yours again. I kissed you accidentally, manically held your hand. I screamed at you and loved you and hated you all the same. I laid in bed with you, and then avoided when you came. I texted you to tell you that I'm sorry and I miss you, and I really want to hear your voice although I don't want to kiss you. You never even answered, you never said a thing. But sometimes I swear I hear your voice each time my ears ring. I wanted to remember you, I wanted to forget. I might as well not think at all, there's nothing even left. I bet that you'll remember, I bet you already forgot, I bet you think I'm fucking crazy from this dumb offshot. Maybe one day I'll see you, I may buy you a drink. Maybe you'll ignore me and be gone in a blink. I wanted to forget you, I wanted to remember. But memories are wrought with ash, and we just live in embers.

you say that i treat you like a book on the shelf

I feel like I haven't been updating a lot:



Nowadays I look like this, only more bewildered. And yep, I know I have weird fingers that bend the wrong way.



and occasionally if I care a little more, like this.



I had a dream I met this guy and everyone hated me because I didn't care:


Imagine being famous enough that people would want pictures of you like this.

broken heel like a heart

i can taste my love for you
i see it everywhere

lights converge, sights and sounds
lines and lights, we collide,
they can't compare to the look in your eyes
and, when i met you, they seemed to say,
"you're going the right way..."

to be myself completely

oh god it’s wonderful
to get out of bed
and drink too much coffee
and smoke too many cigarettes
and love you so much

-frank o'hara

all the battlements are empty and the moon is laying low

Lately I walk around with shorts on and legs unshorn, no make-up, and no bra. Who am I trying to impress? I don't get why I have a kiss of death, but I guess I might as well look like it. I'm not trying to impress anybody this time.

vertigo